Tuesday, June 12, 2012

can i keep it real?

Can I be honest here for a few minutes?

 I sometimes struggle with a balance between keeping the blog light and happy and keeping it real. Well, in the effort of keeping it real today, I gotta tell ya-- the past 6 weeks have been some of the hardest I've ever had to go through. And more specifically, the last two since we got down here to Florida. 



It seems like nothing can go smoothly with this move. I won't bore you with the details, but it's been rough. We've been sleeping (and sitting, and eating) on the floor since last Thursday, which wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't 32 weeks pregnant and if we hadn't been without our things for 5 weeks already. 

Besides the stresses of moving (while pregnant!), I've been missing Hawaii like crazy. I'm doing my best not to compare our new hometown with our hometown in Hawaii, because I know they are apples and oranges. But I find myself feeling homesick each day-- for our friends, our church, the familiar places and people. I think once things become more familiar here, it will get better, but for right now, my heart is stuck across the Pacific. 

Last night, we wanted to get out of the empty house, so we set out in search for a coffee house where we could sit in comfy chairs and spend time together. After driving for twenty minutes and searching online, we couldn't find anything in our area. Seems like such a small thing, but it was one of those "last straw" things that left me feeling that this will never feel like home. 

I'm trying my darndest to see the bright side of things and find joy in those "little things". I know there are many, but my heart is overwhelmed with the stress and frustration of the move. I know that it's no accident that we are here at this time and that God must have great big, beautiful plans for us. He must. 

Hopefully things will improve after our household goods arrive on Thursday and we can make it feel more like home. I know many of you have been praying for us, through our conversations on Twitter and Instagram. Thank you thank you for those prayers and the kind words. They mean more than you know. I completely believe in the power of prayer and the inexplicable peace that comes through it. 

So, that's a little bit of "real" for you today. I'm struggling here, but trusting in the goodness of the Lord, and His awesome plans for us. 



          lindsay

41 comments:

  1. He must have some big, beautiful adventure for you here. He must. May your days get easier and your furniture arrive shortly!

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  2. I'm so sorry Lindsay. We fell in love with Hawaii when we were there, so I can only imagine how your heart must feel after living there! A beautiful place really...and I doubt anywhere can compare. It will get better...definitely after you have a bed to sleep in and your things...it will start feeling more like home. It will DEFINITELY feel more like home after baby Silas arrives because Chris and him will be your home. Its all that will matter - them and God. God knows what your heart wants and needs...even if its a coffee shop...He has so much for you there! Prayers and hugs!

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  3. Oh do I know how you feel. I still get those feelings from time to time and we've been living here for 17 months already. I think it's okay to miss your old house/neighbors/shops/etc but you'll always have those memories and you can sit back years from now and talk about the time you lived in Hawaii and share those memories with Si. Since we've been married we've moved from our hometown in Georgia to Texas to England to Nebraska and now to Germany. I completely understand about living out of suitcases and sleeping on the floor. I added it up and we probably spent 8 months total living like that over our past moves. It never gets easier starting over in a new place but it does get better once you get your household items back, at least then home feels like home again. The other things: friends/favorite shops/local festivies etc will fall into place over the next few months. Maybe you should start your "little things" posts again. I had something like that when my husband was deployed and it really helped bring to light the happy little things I appreciated each day when sometimes it would be easy to overlook them. Sometimes all you need to do is take a deep breathe and focus on the positive. Hang in there!

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  4. My heart hurts for you. I am so sorry. We moved a ton when I was young and our last move was from St.Louis, Missouri to Sacramento, California when I was in high school. I spent most of my high school years deeply homesick for Missouri. I didn't know the Lord then, so I had no comfort in knowing his plan for me was so much better than anything I could have imagined for myself. Sacramento was where Jesus entered my heart and I met my husband and we have settled and had babies and found a church. It isn't easy and it certainly isn't fun at times. It took years, YEARS to really feel like Sacramento was home, but it has been a wonderful journey.

    All I can say is (& what you probably already know ;) ) be patient and hang there. God is good. :)

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  5. I am so sorry, Lindsay. I'm not even going to pretend to know what you're going through, because I've never been in those shoes. I've been praying for you, Chris & Silas though. And, you're right, things will become familiar in time. You'll find friends and a you'll be "at home". As if all of these changes weren't hard enough.. and you're pregnant on top of it all. That doesn't make it any easier. But, soon enough you'll have that sweet boy in your arms and be able to look back on this jouney and smile. His plan is perfect. You already know that though. Praying still for you!!

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  6. Sometimes God allows us to go through these tough times to make us stronger for what he needs to use us for in the future. That has been my experience. When I was pregnant with my first, John and I were "homeless" for 5 months. All of our things had been sent to Okinawa already and then we were stuck, living in a house with 3 single guys for SUCH a long time! When we finally got to Oki, I was 7 months pregnant and didn't know a soul and was in this crazy new country I knew nothing about. It was tough for a little bit but it definitely made me stronger and made me kinda "toughen up" for all the moves to come in the future. I ended up making lifelong friends in Okinawa and miss it very much. Being a military wife is definitely an adventure and it's not always a fun one. But you know that God is with you every step of the way and He will take care of you and provide you with everything you need. Soon you will be settled in your new home and then you can let the nesting begin!! :) Saying a prayer for you now. Hang in there. :)

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  7. Hang in there! You're preggo and you're moving! Soooo stressful! So it's totally ok to not be happy and cheery all the time! You're a real human being going through a ton of emotions! It'd be hard to move across the country normally, and then to have a ton of hormones running through you, pssh! I can't imagine! Once you start meeting friends, you'll find your place in Florida! It's all about getting used to where you are now. And just think, quickly little Silas will be on his way and will fill your time with love and activities and fun stuff!

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  8. Homesick is not fun. I remember our move to SanDiego when my husband was in the Navy. It was the hardest 10 months of my life. But. It'll get better. You have Chris and you are about to have Silas and you won't have time to be homesick. My bet is that once your things arrive you'll get to feeling better in a jiffy! My prayers are with you girl. Best wishes for happy thoughts and a comfy coffee house! Where about in Panama City are you? We vacation in Rosemary and that's only 10 minutes from there and there's TONS of little cozy places there and along 30A. You'll find them i"m certain! I'd give anything to live in Rosemary! Even NEAR! It'll become home! xoxoxo

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  9. It will get easier! My husband and I lived in a hotel for a couple of weeks before he left for deployment. It was horrible not having "our stuff" and being stuck in a tiny room. It was so hard, but in the end, has made us much stronger! You guys should for sure drive up 30A. There are so many cute places! Watercolor and Seaside are my favorite!

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  10. I'm so sorry. Obviously I've never been in your exact situation, but I've experience similar feelings and I know those feelings are very, very real. I'm praying for you right now. I pray that God will bring you extra blessings this very day and special people into your life (sooner than later) and that your new home will begin to feel right (in your heart). Blessings and hugs to you today!

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  11. lifting you up in prayer, my sister and friend! =) I understand being homesick for Hawaii. Both of us just need to always remember that God's plan is flawless! <3

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  12. Lindsay, thank you for a little bit of your real world. Don't worry, it doesn't make your blog - or yourself - less light and happy. I can just imagine, how hard it is, to live in a new country, a new town, without the stuff you're used to be surrounded by. I think, it's even hard without carrying a baby - but in combination with being pregnant...phew! It will get better! I know, it won't help at the moment, but imagine, how wonderful it will be in just some weeks, after making your new place a home, living there with your love and your cute little baby. Maybe it will help you through this tough time. At least, this is what I do, when I have a hard time - focus on happy, upcoming moments.
    Many hugs for you!
    Johanna

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  13. My heart totally goes out to you. I moved 9 months ago from Portland, OR to Los Angeles, CA and honestly I'm still not over it.
    Of course I am SO happy to be with the man I love and that we moved for a job that he's SO HAPPY with. But for me… I couldn't be more unhappy in work, our home, or the general area. I'm homesick ALL the time, I feel like he's my ONLY friend and it's hard.
    But you are an amazing and strong person and I know once that beautiful boy comes; it won't matter at all where you are.
    But I totally understand and just know there are people out here that are available if you ever need a chat. (Cause sometimes we do too!)
    Xo. Tara

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  14. i know moving to a new place is always difficult...hope getting your things and settling in will help! i am in central florida, but i know the gulf coast of florida has some great places!

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  15. If it's any consolation, I think a "real post" is refreshing. Things aren't always perfect, and sometimes reading peoples' blogs make you jealous of their fun lifestyles. I'm confident that God is putting you this place for a reason. I pray that the rest of the move goes well. Thinking of you, your hubby & little one tucked safe inside!

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  16. Oh Lindsay...I'm sorry it's so hard. I can't even imagine what that must feel like, I've never moved like that before to a place where I didn't know ANYTHING. ESPECIALLY while pregnant.

    I'm sending you lots of good thoughts and just remember... it will only be hard for awhile. And then you'll start settling in. And it won't feel so hard. You'll get there.

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  17. I know what you mean, I experienced that almost 2 years ago when we moved from Mexico to Montreal, but change is always good and I'm sure it will get better, and let me tell you girl you are my hero! 32 weeks preggo and sleeping on the floor!!! I'm sure God has something great for you around the corner :)

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  18. Ugh, Lindsay I truly feel for you. We moved from NC to PA when I was 37 weeks pregnant and my heart just aches thinking back to how homesick I felt. You want to bring your baby home to a little nest of comfort and familiarity. You just can't help but compare your new place to your old. But God was SO faithful to provide everything I needed and more. I'm so glad you already know that He will do that for you as well. He definitely taught me that we will never TRULY feel comfortable any place on this earth. Heaven awaits, our true home with every comfort imaginable! I find so much hope knowing that the discomforts of this world are to keep us tuned in with our Father in heaven. Best wishes for smooth sailing from here on out, friend! ~Bri~

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  19. I can kinda relate.
    I left Oahu 3.5 years ago and it took me about 3 years to think about Hawaii and not feel instantly sad. I miss my friends there, the lifestyle, the food, weather....I never wanted to settle down in Canada(where we are now) because I always had hope that we'd go back to Hawaii or at least the U.S. Now that I'm pregnant with our first child (due in Sept.) I'm realizing that I need to make a home for this baby so it's time to suck it up and stop trying to control things that are in God's hands. Good luck with the adjustment.

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  20. I'm praying for you girl. I felt the same way moving from Virginia to Oahu. Are you anywhere close to Dunedin or Pensacola? I have family in both places and I could ask them about food/fun spots they recommend if you'd like. :)

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  21. I can only imagine your discomfort and frustration. Hope you don't mind a little advice. I've moved several times. For me no matter where it was the first year was so full of comparisons it was impossible to love it. It's going to take time. Lots of it. It's kind of like a death and rebirth...a shedding of skin. Eventually you will feel at home again. It might never live up to Hawaii but you will make it home. I pinky swear.

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  22. I'm so glad you are keeping it real! I'm a mil spouse too & trust me, I can relate. I have driven down new streets crying for all I miss in my previous duty station. (Of course those are the same streets I cried for the next time we moved.) For me it takes about 6 months until I really start to feel at ease. Give yourself some time and cry when needed. Pretty soon Silas will be a wonderful distraction! I'll be praying for you. God is in control.

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  23. Oh my heart so goes out to you! I remember when my husband and I first moved to Charlotte and I felt so homesick the moment I left the house and realized I didn't have a girlfriend in town that I could call & go to Target with! It's the little things you miss at first, but then your new time will find it's own little way into your heart. I read a similar blogger talk about how her moves make her cling to Jesus! Can't go wrong there :) I'll be joining you in your homesickness in a month when we move yet again :)

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  24. I want to wrap my arms around that precious belly and give you a biiiiiig squeeze! I hate that you are going through this, especially right now! I'm praying that once your things arrive you can begin to settle into your home and make a precious nursery for baby boy. Praying a church home is found, and family is formed. Praying you find a GREAT coffee shop with a drive thru (will be KEY after having S) and that it starts to feel like home soon!!

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  25. Everyone's entitled to feel bad about the circumstances in which they were placed. Vent when you need to-you have a lot of readers that will listen!
    Head into Panama City, not the beach-I think you're more likely to find what you are looking for. And take a trip to Seaside and Grayton Beach-really cool places on 30A!

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  26. my heart goes out to you! i went through this for about 8 months when my husband left the marine corp, we moved out of state to live in my parents crowded house and were unemployed. it was tough. and i had plenty of those bad days when you feel nothing is right or ever will be again. but we now happily live in south carolina where my husband has an awesome job and i realize on a daily basis how blessed we are.

    it will get better! but yeah, getting your own stuff back will help tremendously!! sending good vibes your way :)

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  27. Hang in there! I will be praying for you, the hubby, & your growing baby. What part of FL are you guys in now? I've lived here all my life so I may be able to help with recommendations. Let me know!

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  28. After the hubs and I got married I moved from nc to va beach. Im very close to my family so many tears were shed. Two months into it I found out we were expecting a honeymoon baby:) and I was due during his longest deploymen and Christmast! I went home with my sisters and mom to have the baby and the military surprised us with sending him home for a few weeks! God gave me my babe(now 6 and half months) because He knew missing my nephews i would need a little one to love! That in itself made this place home! You'll get there, I promise!!

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  29. just think...every day you are one day closer to your stuff being there, and one day closer to holding sweet baby silas as well. and all these hard times will just be gret stories to tell si when he is a little boy. or when he is misbehaving you can say, "do you know what i went through for you were you were in my tummy!!! noe you behave!" praying for you every day. you should make your hubs take you to seaside, santa rosa beach or rosemary beach. they are about an hour away and lovely little places. you would love them. :-) a fun day trip.

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  30. Sometimes keeping real is all there is room for. And I always welcome honesty. I've hit lots of bumpy, sad feeling the last year and I've had to keep it real more than a few times. Sometimes it's really comforting. And your readers, if they are honest, good people will totally understand. I recently moved away from my hometown and lost my mother in the last 6 months. Familiarity is totally something you crave. My heart goes out to you and I know it will get better and God does have a plan for you in your move. I'm reminding myself of this often too. It's okay to to struggle sometimes. Big heartfelt hugs to you.

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  31. Wow wow, I think that process would leave anyone stressed out and emotionally overwhelmed, even if they weren't 32 weeks pregnant!! That is a lot of change. I'm glad you are (at least trying - I imagine it can't be easy) to rest in the truth that God has placed you there for a reason. I will say a prayer for you!

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  32. I had a very difficult time when I moved from Honolulu to Maui. I grew up in Maui but had been in Honolulu for two decades. I really didn't quite understand how hard it would be to not have my various groups of friends around anymore and my regular social activities that I had taken for granted. I was also going through a divorce at the same time so it was hard to not feel depressed. Maui is still Hawaii but I think I can understand how you feel to suddenly have to start over.

    Moving when pregnant must be incredibly tough. So much to think about now and you need your rest. Even when change is good it is still stressful. Hopefully the moving stuff works itself out soon and once you are settled you can get to know your new town (& make new friends).

    Hugs...

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  33. :( oh girl, I'm so sorry. You have such a great mindset though. God does have some awesome plans for you and He wants to teach you through this time. Saying a prayer for you today :)

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  34. Hey Lindsay, I'm sorry to hear things have been so rough! Moving anywhere can be difficult, even if it's a good move.I can't imagine trying to move from Hawaii to FL, such a great distance away. If it makes you feel any better, Michael and I did not have a place to live for about 7 months while we looked for jobs about a year and a half ago, and we stayed on cots, sleeping bags, blow ups for those 7 months in other people's apartments. And then when we finally did get our own apartment we slept on cots for another 3 months before we could get any of our stuff out of storage, and continued to live out of suitcases and sit on the floor. I'm sure it's much harder being 32 weeks pregnant, but I do know how hard it is to not have your stuff and not even be able to sit in a comfortable position. I will pray for you and I know God has such great things for you guys and will come through soon. You are dear to Him and I'm sure in the coming weeks, months, years He will surprise you with sweet blessings.

    Hang in there :o)
    Love,
    Sara

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  35. Lindsay, I am so sorry this move and transition has been so tough for you. I can only imagine how you must be feeling and being so far along in your pregnancy hasn't made it any easier. I know how much you love and miss Hawaii (I long for the day when we can go back too). But, like you, I do believe that God has a special plan for why you are where you are at this moment. You'll find your place, with time. After just pcs'ing to NJ and not being familiar with anything, I can understand those frustrations. It's so difficult to find things that feel like "home" when your heart has your home in a different place. I've been praying for you and I will continue to do so. Love you Linds...I'm just a phone call if you need it!

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  36. Oh Lindsay, so sorry you guys are going through this. Keep that faith and things will get better.

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  37. So sorry this is so hard, dear. :( Praying for you, Chris, and your sweet Silas!

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  38. I have felt the same way after some of our moves. Especially the coffee shop situation...sometimes it's the little things that get us. I'll be praying for you-especially in regards to furniture...praying for couch-shaped manna!
    -Amelia

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  39. Lindsay,

    Although we don't know each other, I feel like I know a little bit of what your heart is going through right now. At 30 weeks pregnant, I moved from Virginia to Oregon. Two summers later, we did a move again, this time I was 34 weeks pregnant. Thankfully, the second move was just across town, but it was enough moving for me. Someday I will learn not to move house while pregnant :)

    Hang in there--and you know what? Once that little boy arrives, it won't really matter how great or boring your town might be, because you will be so in love with that sweet boy that you will forget where you even live! :) Wow, 32 weeks-- you are getting so close!

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  40. ugh! been there...it's rough. no lies or sugar coating about it. BUT! there is promise in a new & exciting future for you. i'm not sure where exactly y'all are living exactly, but i've heard that st. andrews coffee house is a great little spot. and that you must get the cinnamon roll. i'm up in destin, and still learning the area myself. :) hang on sister. it does get better!!!

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  41. I appreciate your real-ness, thanks for sharing and being open. I struggle with that balance too and always wonder if my blog readers really want to read much of the real dirt about my life, ha. I will be praying for you and you are right, God does have a reason (or more than one) for you being where you are.

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